Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Square Peg

I don’t have a home.

Well, that’s extremely ambiguous, so let me explain. It all started with reading Bear’s post looking for new members for Sidhe Devils. I’m a member of that guild, and log on every once in a while to chat and hang out. They’re a great group and I am quite fond of them. However, something Bear said in his post made me come to a realization.

We have had a lot of good folks join that play a main character on another server, and are just joining SD to touch base once in a while and say hello. That’s always been fine with us, but those folks aren’t actually members of the community. They are friends passing through and saying hello, but they are not shaping the guild with their actions and creating the shared history the guild has together.

Don’t get me wrong. Bear is spot-on, and I don’t begrudge him saying it. The thing is, I don’t have a solid, tight-knit community, really, not anymore. I've been guildless for a while, and that's what a guild represents to me.

After Sunder split, all my friends split. I have friends in Vigilant, Fear Engine, OverWhelming, Specced for Awesome, The Dragon Reborn, Republic, Trial Expired, Kind of a Big Deal, Injustice and so many more. And that’s just Alliance-side! I’ve been invited to join a lot of guilds, but…nothing feels like home. With all my friends split up, and my inability to maintain a weekly schedule due to job and class responsibilities, I can’t choose one, not even based upon raiding availability. My schedule is a large part, possibly, of what is keeping me distant.

More than that, I'm not ready to be in a guild again. I keep joining, and they keep collapsing or friends split off and leave or they're not what I expected. I suppose it feels "safer" to not join a guild or community and therefore not be hurt when the time I invest in seeing it succeed goes down the tubes. I suppose that's a bit of a pessimistic outlook, but lately that seems to have been the more likely outcome.

Now, I have a community, per se. Wonderful friends who play with me all the time, and who love to hang out with me. They make time for me, they take me on their raids and heroics, they help me with quests and we compliment each other with our professions. The component missing is that elusive home.

But what is "home"? I don't actually know what I'm looking for. So, at this point, it's probably better for me not to be in a guild on Bellwether until I figure it out. I've been suggested a fresh start on another server, but I’ve played on Dark Iron for almost three years. I know the people. I know the community. I know the inside jokes, the forum crowd, the trade chat. I know the ninjas, the bad guilds, the good guilds, the gankers and the gank zones. I have a friends list full to the brim. I don’t want to leave. I just can’t feel confident enough to find a home if I transfer, either, when I don't know people on other PvP servers (and I have to play on a PvP server; it would kill me not to) and I don't know what I'm looking for, which is probably the most important factor.

So, how about you guys? Anyone else out there still recovering from guild-loss disappointment? Perhaps you also don't know what you want? Maybe you've recovered and would like to share how you found what you wanted?

I'm all ears! (Literally, have you seen these things? Giant purple sails!)

12 comments:

Anglachel said...

i'm lucky enough to be in a guild that will most likely never split, mostly because we don't allow drama to get to us, and we focus on the people instead of the game.

Honestly, if my guild wver broke up i would probably quit the game. The many times i've tried to reroll, either to try the horde side of things, or a PvP server, or even on the Latin american servers where i could speak my own language, i always come back to my guild, because for me WoW is not the same without that people.

I wish you luck in your search for a new home... eventually everyone finds a place where they fit in, it's only a matter of time.

krizzlybear said...

Friends come and go, that's how life is. Things happen, and people are forced to move on from their situations.

That isn't to say that staying put is a bad thing. There is a steadfastness and level-headedness that is admirable about those people, since you know that they are extremely loyal, and make great friends.

But at the same time, don't be discouraged by being unable to take control of certain things. It all boils down to serenity; "Elune grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Kayeri said...

Changing is painful... I know that well. When I finally made 70 and got some gear in BC but it became clear the guild I'd leveled in and run with was not going to be able to jump to raiding... people were leaving so they could take the next step and things were falling apart... kind of the way you described.

Well, a couple of friends went to a different server and invited us, they had a guild ready to go... well, I wasnt pulling Kayeri yet... I moved my rogue over just to get a feel for things. And they were nice people and all, but it wasnt home. Eventually, my rogue came home to Doomhammer.

Back on Doomhammer a friend who'd been in our first guild finally talked me into moving over to where she'd gone. I had an issue with that, as someone who'd hurt me badly had gone there, too, and I didnt want to be around them even as I knew a guild couldn't be held accountable for it...

And it was the best thing ever. I found a new group of friends, people I got along with well along with those I already knew. I got the raid experience I'd wanted and I continue to be a regular member of our raid team.

Well, many people have moved on from the guild since then, including many of those who were there when I came on... we've even had a guildmaster change. Its painful whenever you lose someone, but as you know from your stuffed friends list, you dont lose people by not being in the same guild, Bell.

Dark Iron is home for you as much as Doomhammer is home for me. But dont let fear of loss hold you back. Change is one of the great constants that we all have to live with and you are too wonderful a person to isolate yourself that way.

It's fine to take a breather and look around while you deal with other things. I'm sure you will find a place and that the place you end up will be a good place to be. :)

Darraxus said...

I was in a guild for two years that collapesed shortly after the expansion. We were a BC raiding guild that raided up to Black Temple and were top 20 on the server.

I basically went to a new guild that was much the same as the good parts of my old one. It helped that several friends also transfered to this guild.

Pike said...

I've gotten to a point now where friends =/= guild. It used to be that way and I still have trouble with the concept sometimes, but yar. My "group" of people in game is sorta scattered, most of us actually are in the same guild at this point, ironically... but our friendship stretches outside the game to IMs and stuff, to kind of... nail home to us that it's not just a guild thing.

No idea where I was going with that ramble...

Leontine said...

To be honest, I now spend my time between two great guilds. One is a casual guild that happens to raid, where most of my toons are. My healing druid, however, is in one of the top raiding guilds on my server under friend status. Some of those people started off raiding with my first guild but wanted more, or raided with those people back in Vanilla WoW. This is partially because my boyfriend's main is in the second guild.

It's really rough to split between two guilds. I know many people in each guild that now I cannot go back!

But if you are looking for a new home, I wish you luck, it's really hard to find that perfect group that just compliments you. Much like finding that significant other.

Doodle said...

I'm in the exact same boat, Bell!

I transferred off of PvP to PvE, discovered and joined Bear's guild, but it didn't exactly 100% fit for me.

I eventually went to a top-raiding guild, but when THAT didn't work out... I left again and eventually joined another more casual 'raiding' guild and while I _like_ it and all, it's the times I play with the friends I have made that I enjoy the most. Honestly, my home is my little bank guild... ^_^

I think I am BEST suited to solo play, with occasional PuG and friend raids. I'd quit the guild I'm currently in, but I don't think they'd understand why, so I avoid playing that character.

Luckily, I have "Recruit-A-Friend" keeping me busy with alts. lol

^_^

KerynTB said...

I'm fortunate...I joined a good guild just a few months after starting this game three years ago and when it looked like that guild was going to split up, I had a moment of insanity and offered to lead the thing myself. That was two and a half years ago, and somehow we pulled ourselves out of the hole and survived and buggrit if we didn't prosper just a little. That was their doing, not mine, by the way. I'm just here for when people need target practice.

Good luck in finding somewhere to feel at home, but realize that it might be that you have to MAKE somewhere your home. I'd offer you a chance at a spot but we eat night elves, where I come from... (In other words: a) wrong faction, b) wrong server and c) wrong TYPE of server!)

Icedragon said...

I'm going through the same thing, unfortunately. My current guild has dwindled to a handful of people and I'm looking to start raiding, so I have to resign as GM and find another guild. Every time I log in I get letters of "Don't server transfer, we love you!"

Sad departure, but I need a new home where I can be active and wiggling around like a happy tree. Recently I met a couple RPers whose guilds interest me, so I might have found some potential on my current server. Just hang in there and see where fate takes you, hun!

Hana said...

When my TBC raid guild died my friend scattered, split between varius guilds and while we still played together, it just wasn't the same.

I never thought of transferring, because Skywall is home for me just like Dark Iron is for you, so I wandered around guildless until am acquaintance offered me a place in his guild until I found a new one I liked bettered.

The new thing about it is we both agreed it was temporary and the other guild members knew that as well. Though it wasn't home, it was very kind.

The happiness came in the month or two before Wrath, when a few friends quit their newer raid guilds and started one of their own. Gradually, other old friends started coming back, and nearly all of us who still play have returned to being in the same guild together.

Maybe you'll get lucky and home will find you again. :)

Button said...

Although we've had this discussion before, the fact that I'm in your picture (wheeee!), makes me want to re-voice it. Although my military lifestyle at the moment prevents me from starting another guild, at some point in the future I do intend to start one again (quite probably a raiding/progression guild, I've grown tired of casual). My one regret is that a lot of ties to friends from our NiiA days have been cut, and I worry it will never be the same...but I had the same thoughts MAKING NiiA, coming from The Immies, so I suppose it's all full-circle.

In the meantime, I still <3 you. Even I, with just as many friends as you have serverside, find myself guild-hopping. Trial Expired is my current home, but insider info is: it might not stay that way.

Guildless or not, you're still awesome.

Alyse said...

I feel you. It's sad seeing guild split up, but luckily RL friends have always stayed together. I think that if you are unhappy on DI maybe switching to a new server is a good thing. For one you're very nice and would make friends easily.

Sometimes you need a new start :)