Failure Never Tasted So Much Like Sweet, Sweet Awesome

Let's set the scene.

Warsong Gulch. 8:30am my time, 5:30am Dark Iron server. 10v10, for most of the time.

This match lasted 58 minutes, ended 2-3 (Alliance to Horde).

Highlights included:
~Me never capping the flag, yet ganking it from the Horde base a total of six times.
~One time I grabbed the flag right as the enemy flag carrier dashed in to cap ours and made it out of the base alive.
~Second Alliance cap continuing fifteen minutes after the flag carriers had received the 100% increase in damage taken.
~For those fifteen minutes I was the sole healer on the flag carrier.
~I ended the fight with over 414k healing done.

In the end, I walked out with minimal honor, a daily incomplete, and still 29 marks away from my Ram Elekk.

But I walked away with pride in knowing I had done everything I could to win, and the only whiner who tried to convince us to give up the flag and just end the game never convinced anyone to stop playing, to stop trying. And when he left, we received a new addition who put in effort and helped us get our second cap. I also gained the respect and gratitude of the warrior flag carrier, who is on my server.

And in all honesty, though it was a hell of a turtle and lasted forever, it was fun.

Bellbell Writes a Letter

Dear Bigredkitty,

I don’t normally do this, but Bellwether tells me that my normal method of axe-to-the-face isn’t going to work with you. Besides you being much more experienced than me with better gear and more levels and some sort of enlarged crimson feline, you can most likely destroy my face for the exact reason I’m writing you. I’m also supposed to be “polite” because Bell is friends with some of your friends and blah blah blah I stopped listening to her at some point.

Anyway, so I was in STV and I met this Blood Elf hunter. “Met” as in, I was killing a gorilla and she sent her stupid pet after me. I don’t even remember what kind of pet, because I didn’t care about it. I just cared about tracking that hunter down and smashing her face in. And even though she ran from me, I have Pursuit of Justice and two stuns, so catching up was as easy as sharpening my axe. But I ran into a problem.

She froze me. I was a giant icicle! And then she fled. She fled to the goblins and I could only take my frustrations out on the next druid, rogue, warrior and priest I met. The same who later joined forces to destroy me, because apparantly they can't take me on their own.

Not only that, but she did it again later, running to the goblins again!

Now, you may think, “What’s this got to do with me?” But I’m sure you know exactly what it has to do with you, sir. You know, I generally think of you as a fine, upstanding member of the Alliance, with that thing that you do. I’m sure it’s surgery or professory or something, because I don’t know how else all these hunters are losing the rocks in their heads, and it’s all very admirable, ra, ra. Pom poms. Woo.

But I find such things as this and this to be questionable in nature. Gloating about killing a paladin? Teaching people how to kite melee dps cough paladins cough? My, my. The only redeeming nature of the one article is that it’s a Blood Elf that you killed, and everyone knows they need to be put out of their misery. The druggies will just go through withdrawal at some point anyway. Better to save them the misery, yeah? Plus, it’s great fun to watch them squeal about their nails and their hair and oh my GAW that was PRADA.

Anyway. So. Yeah. I guess what I’m saying is either make your blog Horde-proof or stop blogging about kiting paladins. It’s bloody annoying to be kited by a hunter, especially when I would just need to catch up and you'd be sucking dirt through a straw.

Bellwether is telling me not to add threats to this. She says I can’t carry them out and its undiplomatic and won't accomplish anything. Since I can't kick her butt yet and she is the captain, I have to say PLEASE.

She also says its ridiculous to even ask, but then again she made a fuss about the bloodstains on the letter. I told her it wasn’t my blood, but for some reason that didn’t reassure her.

Anyway. So yeah, that’s it.

Sincerely,
Bellbell

P.S. Bellwether told me not to post the letter with the blood on it. She gave some sort of excuse like “It’s hard to read” but I thought it drove the point home better. Feh.

I Made a Friend!

Perhaps my favorite part of PvP is the uncertainty of encounters with the opposite faction. Will they attack? Will I attack? Will we just pass by? Who knows! Exciting.

But, anyway, I was down in the Caverns of Time, checking out the price on Timelapse Shard (much too expensive for the rare times I would use it), and, out of nowhere...

WOOSH. Stunned. What's this? An Undead Warrior...? Oh no. I'm totally dead.

...wait. Wait. That's all he's hitting me for?

I do a quick check. All right, he's in Thrust, so he's in the top Horde guild on our server. And he has...oh. He has Illidan's shield. So, he's a tank, one of their main tanks, to have that shield (then again, they've been farming Illidan so long he could be an alt; I wouldn't know any better), and he's obviously spec'd prot at the moment. His damage is...laughable. Like, "Oh, um, I guess I'll Lifebloom now" laughable. The 2k crit from what I suppose was a shield slam hurt a bit, but I just hit Rejuv and sort of...stood there.

I hit him with an Insect Swarm and almost a Moonfire when I stopped. Poor thing was just like me, unable to kill anything. Though, I honestly could have killed him. But, I waited. He did a /cry. I did a /soothe and then, coming to a quick decision, I asked him to /wait.

He backed off, probably curious about what I was going to do. Well, I opened Outfitter and went to the rarely used option called "Birthday Suit." And then suddenly I was wearing nothing but my tabard, rings and trinkets.

He laughed, and I sat down. What followed after was short and bloody and I walked back to my corpse. When I rezzed, I redressed in my armor, and he showed me his Bear Mount. I showed him Bear Form, being not in posession of a Bear Mount. Then we had a picnic, and a campfire, and I told him a few jokes and he laughed. His Shaman friend ran by and laughed at us, but I wasn't mowed down in the three seconds it would have taken that Enhance Shammy to cut through my PvE gear. After a few minutes, I waved good-bye, he returned the gesture, and I hearthed to Shatt.

I think I made a friend! Maybe, for life?

/beam

A Rebuttal for Bear

Now, after reading, rereading, making some French toast, and reading once more Bear’s latest rant (and saving it into a Word document so I could refer to it again), I’ve taken a deep, calming breath, and have this to say:

Bear.

I disagree.

Respectfully.

Upon further deliberation, I decided perhaps I should give reasons behind why I disagree with his attack upon the PvP system. Well, not “attack,” per se, but rather him “calling it out,” as it were. And it's going to crit your face by way of length, so hold on.

The PvP system is not bullshit. I repeat, it is functioning. And is, dare I say it, a good idea.

Perhaps I have a different mindset. I started on a PvP server, and I actually love it. I have to wear PvP gear when I go to highly populated areas such as the Isle, and I do take dirt naps far more often than I help others get to sleep. When I play on my PvE servers, I do notice that whenever the conversation turns towards PvP, so many people view it as a chore rather than just a different way to play, a different and fun facet of the game, that I just say how I like it, give some tips, and then kind of excuse myself from the conversation quietly. However, this does not change the importance behind understanding the PvP system, as well as its lack of male cow fecal matter.

If you look at the disparity between Season 1 gear and the new Brutal’s set (hell, even the Vengeful set), you will see that there is an expansive gulf, just as there is between Heroics and Kara versus Sunwell epics. Already, people in S1 gear had a very difficult time in Arenas against Vengeful and Merciless players. With the advent of Brutal gear, S1 is virtually obsolete. Going into an Arena match with S1 will get you cut up like paper. If they had not added Merciless to the battlegrounds, a few things would happen:

• The gulf between the top end Arena players, the good, the bad, and the new would widen a great deal.
  
• A fresh level 70 would have little to no way to compete in arenas. Not with any prayer of advancement, anyway.
  
• PvE high-end raid gear would, as in pre-BC, begin to trump that gear gained by PvP
  

I absolutely hate the mindset that PvP gear are “welfare epics.” I cannot stand it. Especially not now, when you can turn in tier tokens for PvP gear, when you can purchase PvP gear with badges, when you can entirely skip a tier of raiding thanks to badge gear. If running through BGs is welfare, why isn’t badge gear?

That last item, the skipping of an entire tier of raiding, I know personally about. Without seeing any boss past Lurker in SSC and never setting foot in TK, I received a spot in my current guild, Sunder (which, at the time, was 4/5 Hyjal and 5/9 BT), and am currently their only regularly raiding Restoration Druid. I had been to Gruul’s maybe four times, and downed Magtheridon perhaps twice. But I farmed Kara for four or five months. That will do you a lot of good, in the long run.

For Restoration Druids, the new 100 badge pants are arguably better than the pants which drop off of Shade of Akama in Black Temple. The 60 badge shoulders are the best shoulders until Void Reaver in TK. Druids in Sunwell guilds are still using the 41 badge healing trinket. I know, I’ve seen it. I didn’t agree with her gemming choice, but I definitely took note of her trinket.

41 badges. That’s two weeks of full Kara clears with a badge leftover for kicks, and it functions through Sunwell.

Being in T6 with T6 gear does not automatically equate competency. Just about every single day in guild chat someone laments another raider’s gear choice and enchants, or their wasted talent points. I’ve seen druids better geared than me with straight +healing gems (that’s all; no spirit, no intellect, just straight plus healing) and a load of talents only partially filled.

Now. I do not agree with Amanda Dean. I actually am not too over-fond of her, especially regarding her somewhat snobby attitude in general. I do not believe PvP > PvE or vice-versa. I do disagree with another of your points, though, Bear.

Technically, I run raids with PvPers. My server is PvP. Our MS/Slam warrior had a 2k rating, we had, at one time, an excellent mage with the “Grand Marshall” title, our MT has the “Justicar” and “Duelist” title, and our best Paladin, Sharlet, has three pieces of the Brutal Gladiator set after the first week of Season 4, not to mention (if I recall correctly) the new belt, boots and bracers, only available through the BG honor grind. He also very recently explained to me why different ranks of Starfire were better than max rank (in PvP and PvE situations), he can tell you exactly what rank of Holy Light to use in certain situations, he can give you a proper DPS rotation for your rogue, tell you how to gem and enchant your Feral Tanking set, and give you the location and level requirements for almost every quest in the game. And he can, with a Holy, not Shockadin, but Holy spec, grab you by the scruff of your neck, slam your face into the dirt, rub your nose in the mess that is your skill and make you wish you had no idea that WoW existed, let alone PvP. With his raiding Holy spec and his Prot gear, he tanks Hyjal trash.

PvP does teach you a lot about what other classes are capable of, in a sense, as well. And that’s not helpful to face other players in a PvE setting, per se, but to work with them. This is to a limited extent, since PvP requires different rotations, more reaction/prediction than memorization and often different specs. However, though chain trapping is more difficult in PvP, I cannot see how a hunter so skilled at ice traps that a warrior is stuck powerless while they burn down the one healer at the node and then rip into their CC’d target cannot handle a distracting shot on a mob.

It most certainly does teach mana conservation. If you are out of mana in a BG, you are dead, unless you can find somewhere to hide and drink. You win nodes by your healer outlasting their healer (if people forget about the “kill the healer” rule, anyway). You have to know when to pot, when to run, to move out of the AoE, so on, and so on, and so forth. You know, “don’t stand in the fire”?

Fights like the Priestess fight in Magister’s Terrace and the Illidari Council are made immeasurably easier by people having been exposed to PvP and who can keep their cool in a chaotic, unpredictable situation.

And yes, Battlegrounds do let you “coast” to an extent, to get gear. However, the grind is eternally longer the worse you are at cooperation, just as getting your raid drop/badge gear will take inexorably longer (unless you’re extremely lucky, and in that case you can be terribad and very lucky) if you don’t work together or don’t know your class. But you can actually gain far better gear, in most cases, by farming badges than by farming Honor, if your goal is to be a PvE raider, and you don’t get looked at funny by your raiding guild.

Cooperation is actually paramount in BGs, and you can make the grind short and pleasurable the better you are at it, just as in raiding. In fact, the fastest, most efficient way to gain honor is to download Preform AV, make sure you have working Vent, and join a premade/org. Even trade-chat-formed premades can function together and take BGs by storm. In these you learn to take directives, often from a stranger, work with people you hardly know to take down an unpredictable enemy, and utterly decimate EotS in under eight minutes for an intense amount of honor. And, just like in PvE, you have to learn the strategies each BG requires and adjust it according to what players you have.

And, unlike in a raid, if someone isn’t pulling their weight, you can flag them afk or alert a GM, and they can lose all their PvP gear and their privilege to fight. You tell a GM someone is just wanding in a raid while gloating about their new epic shoulders of pwn and you’ll probably just get laughed at.

The nature of BGs themselves are changing as well. Throw someone into one with PvE gear, and you might as well lock them in a room by themselves with Nightbane. A PvE geared person stands little chance against someone in Vengeful or Brutal. Blue rep-PvP gear or S1? You’re still going to struggle. Without making Merciless available by honor grind, you’re ensuring many people’s times in both BGs and Arena are full of bloody, painful death and a slow, unrewarding grind.

That secret conversation you have regarding the PvP-geared members of your Kara Pug? I’m quite certain that when you stroll into a BG with PvE gear on, you get the same treatment. Because, let’s face it, PvE gear is not for PvP, except in certain cases (and it’s best to learn that there will always be exceptions that go both ways). I’ve had to gem and enchant PvP gear for PvE, and I’ve seen people gem and enchant PvE gear for PvP and do quite well. Bosses in Shattered Halls and Botanica and I’m sure others drop weapons with resilience on them; those are decidedly PvE instances.

A hunter I ran Kara with a lot back in my old guild was full PvP gear, both arena and that which you buy with honor, and he kicked ass on the meters and CC.

And, I cannot stress this enough: If your main hatred for BGs is the few asshats who spew profane and idiotic garbage, learn to use two tools: your profanity filter and “report spam.” If you put on your profanity filter, every word showcasing someone’s lack of vocabulary and ingenuity comes out in neat little symbols like this: !@#$%. And if you report someone for spam, they get ignored without filling up your ignore list. I play with my profanity filter on; it’s both functional and hilarious, especially when your guild finds out and wants to play the “is this censored?” game. Report spam is quick and easy; and if they’re filling up BG chat with caps and franticness and freak-outs, what else is it, really?

Merciless gear through honor not bullshit. It’s only bullshit to people who dislike Battlegrounds because you want something you can’t get without it or don’t want to raid for. It’s like how my feral friend hates raiding. He covets the gear from some of the bosses, but he finds raiding too monotonous and predictable. So, he only PvP’s, and mostly only BG’s, as he can only log in during odd, inconsistent times. He has done Heroics for badges. He’s complained that he doesn’t like it, but he doesn’t call it bullshit. Yes, feral druids are in a unique position with their gear requirements, but I know Paladins like gladiator gloves, that rogues like the arena weapons, and hunters like the axes. And, perhaps the greatest practical joke of all: the +15 resilience to chest drops from doing PvE. A two minute trinket is required by my guild for Winterchill and Archimonde (and at only 8k honor, it’s hardly something horribly painful to grind out), but every applicant who wears other PvP gear gets questioned as to why they have it over better PvE gear or badge gear.

And, honestly, if you don’t want to do T5 level content, why do you feel you need the gear? In some cases, it will actually gimp your threat generation as well as making your rage bar slow to fill. I know plenty of tanks, of all classes, who take gear off just so they can tank better.

And, now that I have written this, painted a wall and a deck, reread it, taken a shower, reread Bear’s post and added more to mine, let me say, with confidence:

They’re two different grinds. The gear from each can be used interchangeably, to an extent. You can get gear for either-or through one of the grinds, to an extent. Some of one is needed for the other, to an extent. You can coast through both for good rewards, to an extent. They both teach valuable skills that can be utilized in the other, to an extent. Both require cooperation and teamwork to get done in a reasonable amount of time, to an extent.

Neither one is bullshit.

Alterac Valley Postulations

For those of you who are unaware, the Alliance in the battlegroup Shadowburn is "boycotting" AV. It's less a boycot, really, than a subconcious unanimous decision to queue for BGs we win more often, and where losing does not mean 0 honor. Now, there's been the general fighting and spitting and hissing back and forth by the Horde with hour-long queue times and the Alliance sitting happily with their EotS winnings from 12 minute (MAX) games. And then, like a beacon of shining reason (albeit a decaying and possibly smelly beacon of shining reason), an Undead Mage named Cythorb from Lightning Hoof writes the following in this thread:

"Everyone knows that the Alliance is not truly boycotting AV, but instead is signing up for other BGs because they get more honor there than in AV. It is also generally known that the current version of AV favors the Horde, and that the previous versions of AV generally favored the Alliance. Yet we see that the Horde never "boycotted" AV no matter how imbalanced it was in favor of the Allies, and the Alliance is "boycotting" it now. Why?

I propose that it has nothing to do with the type of player that chooses Horde or Alliance (all WoW players being equally pale and pimply), and has everything to do with the design of the AV map.

TLDR VERSION: The Alliance is strong in the backfield but weak in the front field. The Horde is strong in the front field but weak in the back field. This means that when imbalances favor the Alliance, the Horde is still able to get honor; but when imbalances favor the Horde, the Alliance is unable to receive any honor and creates the illusion of a "boycott."

AV is not a mirror image: the Alliance and Horde each have incongruent advantages and disadvantages that are SUPPOSED to even out and create a balanced map. The Alliance has a very weak initial defensive position (in the Stonehearth region), but a very strong defensive position in the back two graveyards and towers. The Horde has a very strong initial position (the Iceblood region), but a very weak back two graveyards and towers.

Postulate: Should a map imbalance happen in favor of either faction, that faction will tend to defeat their opponent at the advantaged faction's strongest defensive position.

When we look at the Alliance's historic AV advantage, we find that the Alliance will always lose SH GY, Balinda, and its first 2 towers to the Horde, but could put up an overwhelming defense in their backfield. This means that even in games where the Horde never came close to capping SP and never even saw the Dun Badr towers, they would still receive honor for the initial objectives. The Horde would grumble but then queue up again because it was still the best honor in the game.

When we look at the Horde's current AV advantage (under the new reinforcements rule), we a reach very different conclusion. The Horde, like the Alliance, will stop their opponent at their own strongest defensive position. For the Horde this means Iceblood Graveyard, the first position the Alliance attempts to capture. Thus, when the Horde defense works, the Alliance IS UNABLE TO CAPTURE ANY OBJECTIVES AT ALL. The Horde, in order to exploit a favorable map imbalance, MUST shut the Alliance down entirely because their backfield is too weak to defend once penetrated. Thus, the Horde imbalance leaves the Alliance with virtually no honor and forces them to queue for other BGs.

If the map is balanced, then everyone is happy and AV works. If the map is imbalanced in favor of the Alliance, then the Horde is unhappy but AV still works. If the map is imbalanced in favor of the Horde, then the Alliance receives no honor and AV becomes totally broken. We must therefore conclude that Blizzard must balance the map or favor the Alliance, but can never favor the Horde.

The only solution I see is to redesign the map fundamentally into a mirrored battlefield, so neither side can ever have any advantage at all. This is a somewhat bland solution, but would forever eliminate the historical AV imbalances."

I for one applaud this thread, and I take particular joy in noting that it is a Horde who steps up to reveal the exact reasons why our Alliance just doesn't bother with AV unless it's a premade. Sure, we could probably PUG a group, but I'd rather spend that 30 minutes rolling through something that, even if I lose, still nets me honor.

A Helpful Hint for Arena Shammies

You can't be sapped in ghost wolf.

Thank you.

(This short, simple, sweet advice brought to you by Mahndo, and it was brought to him by some very awesome warrior in a battleground)

10 Druid WSG

I like to hang around the Druid forums once in a while. Mostly because, between all the trolls crying for nerf, there's generally a gem to be found. For instance, this beautiful idea of a ten-druid warsong gulch run. Fantastic. I love druid-centric things. This doesn't mean I don't love my other guildies, but druids hold a special place in my heart.



I sincerely hope you enjoyed that as much as I did. Now I'm wondering how well the rest of the battlegrounds would run populated by only druids...

What's So Wrong About World PvP?

A lot of people complain about world PvP. The profanity filter fills chat with interesting @#!$%'s and ^&*!'s when someone’s come out on the losing end of an attack, and I hear the dreadful moans of people when new zones like Zul'Aman open up or events like the Headless Horseman take us deep into Horde territory. There we know they'll be lying in wait, ready to chain-fear-stun-MS-DoT-PoM-Pyro us into oblivion. The odds are heavily against us in such situations, and, yet...

I love it.

Perhaps it's just in my nature to enjoy this clash of uneven proportions. When you go into an instance, you have some idea of what you're facing. You look up the dungeon, you know in general you need a tank and a healer and some dps and cc. You're going to pull some trash, the boss is going to have tricks up his sleeve. Fun, but it can become routine. Everyone knows to interrupt Dalliah’s heals right after she spins; it’s like clockwork. PvP, however, is a surprise. Unless you've memorized every armor graphic in all its colors and uses you can't always tell what you're up against. Is that priest a soon-to-be splatter of holy sparkles or are they going to suddenly turn purple and melt your face? Is this paladin going to be largely ineffectual yet take an hour to burn down or are you going to be hurting from super-buffed holy shocks? ...Is that a rogue in the bushes?

It's not always fair. You can be the ganker or the ganked. You can be in the middle of an epic battle and be sniped from a distance, utterly mutilating your storybook ending. But amazing things can happen as well. You can come across a rare elite, gather some guildies, and find that some Horde are now trying to take it down. You take them out and proceed to go about procuring the elite's pretty blue drop. And then the horde come back and assault your healer in the middle of the battle, and, amazingly, you kill them, all while your tank keeps aggro on the elite and you down that sucker for some nice boots. It's that kind of event that makes you love PvP servers.

Skeletons strewn all over the floor of Scarlet Monastary, outside of Karazhan and piled high on the Arena Vendor give testament to the blood thirst. Uneasy truces outside of the Coilfang instances end when some Hunter looses a single bullet and then no one is summoning, not until one side shows its dominance (generally whichever side has an SSC raid going that day). You learn who to avoid when you’re out by yourself. These are the same people you desperately want to introduce to the dirt someday and also have that tentative Sun Tzu-style respect for at the same time. In a way, you get to know players of the faction much better. I’ve learned the names of several Horde who were content to let me level on my own, even helping me or allowing me to help them. At the same time, I know who not to be caught in the same zone with, and who will spit on my corpse and do a little dance.

It spices up gameplay. How often have you killed that same group of clefthoof bulls? Odds are, more times than you care to remember or that even the most diligent psychoanalyst could dredge up from that wall of mental repression. Now, how often have you killed them while looking over your shoulder for that level 70 feral druid who desperately wants both the bulls and you dead so that he can complete his clefthoof set? It paints a slightly more frantic picture in your mind of quest completion and dodging the reaper. It also prevents the situation in which you need to report the unflagged prancing elf for ganking your quest objects after you unwittingly pulled the mobs away for him time and time again. Upset? Want some retribution? Smack him in the face with your hammer and grab your quest item. Problem solved.

If you have some aversion to dying or "wasting time" I could see how PvP could be annoying. If you don't like the uncertainty of winning or losing, PvP can be a hassle. And yes, ganking generally sucks, as does the fact that Horde primarily control elemental plateau when all you want are the mats for +81 healing to your shiny new mace. But the thrill of the come-from-behind win, the killing blow on the rogue who thought it would be easy to stab you from behind, or making three Horde chase you for over a minute away from the front of Kara all the way past the Vice and almost to the bridge, travel-forming, healing and abolishing poisons the whole way so your guildies can rez and summon your raid to thoroughly slam your pursuers’ faces once they return completely, in my mind, makes up for any bad experience to be found at Nessingwary's.

Why You Cannot Transfer From PvE to PvP

(Written from the viewpoint of my Area 52 character, Funshinebear)

Hello, dear friends. This is Funshine Bear, your friendly neighborhood Care Bear coming through with an in-depth explanation for all of you who seem to want to transfer from the Kingdom of Caring and venture into those dangerous zones called “PvP Servers,” henceforth to be known as “the Land of the Meanie Faces and Bad Guys.”

Now, the Land of the Meanies Faces is home to those such as Professor Coldheart and Grizzle. They fight each other over Star and Heart buddies, hitting each other and just generally setting a bad example for children. Why do we allow these Bad Guys to come to the Kingdom of Caring? Well, that is simple! See, we believe in the Power of Friendship and also all things Good and Caring. And we want these Bad Guys to see the Love and Joy we have to share, and transform into Good Guys, perhaps even become Care Bears themselves, albeit Grumpy ones. Or, at the very least, Care Cousins! This is beneficial for all, as we can always use more Care Bears and Cousins to further the cause of caring!

For Care Bears wishing to go to the Land of the Meanie Faces, however, the trip is just not possible. And I will now explain why.

Many Care Bears aren’t aware of why these zones were created. You see, in the Kingdom of Caring (comprised of Care-A-Lot and the Forest of Feeling) we have what is called the “Caring Meter.” This Caring Meter measures the amount of caring in the world. This must always be full! So, we have to go out on caring missions to gather Star and Heart buddies. The Kingdom of Caring allows for quick and efficient gathering so that the Caring Meter never falls to a dangerously low level. In fact, Care Bears are the most efficient gatherers, not having to worry about the Meanie Faces and the Bad Guys. Though sometimes Grumpy Bear stirs up some trouble, we Care Bears can always make him smile or laugh and then continue on our way!

But, in the land of the Meanie Faces and Bad Guys, they, as mentioned before, actually hurt each other for Star and Heart buddies. This is bad behavior for a Care Bear and a Care Cousin, and they just cannot condone it, much less perpetrate the action themselves.

“But, Funshine, I want to go and help the Meanie Faces and Bad Guys see their wrong ways, and help them learn about caring and the Power of Friendship!”

I understand, friend. I truly do. It is a noble and righteous cause, one that Proudheart Lion would valiantly cry “Charge!” for. However, these Bad Guys and Meanie Faces won’t listen to a Care Bear or Care Cousin, or even a Good Guy Who Was Once Bad. They would rather hurt you for your Star and Heart buddies than listen to the wonders of caring. Also, there is one dark secret they hold deep in their soul, even more carefully than Secret Bear.

They are afraid of us.

You see, due to our law of caring in the Kingdom of Caring, we can gather Star and Heart buddies much faster than they can. They fight too much over who can have this one or that one that it takes twice or even three times as much work to get a Star buddy than we Care Bears have to work. That is fact, dear friends; Bright Heart Raccoon did the calculations. This quick gathering of buddies gives us quite an edge on the Meanie Faces and Bad Guys, along with our belief in caring and the Power of Friendship. That ultimate of abilities, that supreme enforcer of all that is Good: the Care Bear Stare.

The power of the Care Bear Stare would shatter the Land of the Meanie Faces and Bad Guys due to its high concentration of Anger and Sadness and Bad Words. Now, we Care Bears don’t want to annihilate our neighbors and would rather bring them to see the wonder of caring and the Power of Friendship, as well as the warmth of a warm snuggly hug. Therefore, I present to you this suggestion:

My fellow Care Bears, instead of petitioning to go to the Land of Meanie Faces and Bad Guys (as admirable as it is on your part to attempt such a good deed), encourage the Meanie Faces and Bad Guys you know to consider placing a symbol of Love and Joy on their tummies and making their way to the Kingdom of Caring. Do not cross the line into their Land; your Care Bear Stare will shatter their world, and that is not the way of caring.