Thursday, July 31, 2008

10 Rules For Young Druids

Elune-Adore. My name is Lassindra Nightwhisper. Some of you may know me as Palintera's mother. Palintera is a good girl, but I fear that, despite my best intentions, she is falling under the influence of certain individuals of Ill Repute. Therefore, I am writing this post to provide young druids with guidelines to help them avoid similar dangers.

My dear late husband Telnor, Elune watch his soul, was a druid, before he was lost at the Battle of Mount Hyjal. In our day, young women were discouraged from becoming druids and instead encouraged to pursue more feminine arts, such as needlepoint and dual-wielding swords. But in the nine years we had together, I learned many of the rules and requirements of being a druid, which I will now share.

1) Unless it is absolutely necessary to stay in an inn, when away from home druids should sleep in the woods. Under their own trees. What about places like the Burning Steps, where there are no trees? Druids shouldn't go there.

2) A druid should always rise before dawn and eat a hearty bowl of granola.

3) Tattoos, other than the traditional facial markings of Night Elf women, are completely inappropriate.

4) Piercings, whether of the ears, the nose, the bellybutton, or *ahem* anywhere else, are strictly forbidden. We are not, after all, Gnomes.

5) A druid's hearthstone should always point to Teldrassil or one of the provinces such as Darkshore or Ashenvale. Cities such as Ironforge and Stormwind reek of foreign influences and are no place for a young Elf. Do not get me started on Shattrath.

6) Proper hygiene is important. Not only yourself, but your bear and cat forms should receive monthly flea and tick baths. And remember to have your aquatic form checked regularly for mites.

7) Alcohol is a poison and damages your brain. Do not consume it.

8) It is permissible to be on speaking terms with Tauren druids. But never make the mistake of thinking of them as friends.

9) Running naked through the woods was an appropriate activity when almost all druids were men. But now that young women are becoming druids it can only lead to impure thoughts. And these can lead to impure actions, and you know very well what these can lead too.

10) Being a druid is a position of respect and honor amoung the Night Elf people. Never demean this position by referring to yourself by any of these new "hip" terms such as ferlol or lazer chicken. And you must never refer to yourself as Your Own Bottom! (Yes, Miss Windshadow, I'm looking at you. Don't forget your mother and I are in the League of Elven Needlepointers together)

If you simply follow these ten rules, you will have a long, successful, and happy career as a druid, and bring honor to your people. Instead of shame. I keep telling her this, and telling her, and telling her, but does she listen? No! Why should she? After all, I'm just her mother...

Goddess watch over you.

Bellwether is on vacation from the twenty-fourth to the fourth and appreciates your patience in answering all your comments and e-mails. Please enjoy these pre-scheduled posts and guest bloggers in the meantime!


Armond said...

Still waiting on

There's always the possibility, of course, that Palintera will find herself nuzzling up against some kitty in her sleep. Closeness to the wild and all that, eh? And kitties are, well, kitties. Cute and fluffy and adorable and feral.

...What's that look for?

Anonymous said...

Oh Totally understand the whole tattoo and Piercing thing with all that shapeshifting.... wouldnt want the belly button piercing to become a new belly button.. and a pawprint tatt on the hip would become a yeti footprint..

Khol Drake said...

Poor Mrs. Nightwhisper...we should all pitch in and get her a nice prozac prescription...