Saturday, December 1, 2007

Why You Cannot Transfer From PvE to PvP

(Written from the viewpoint of my Area 52 character, Funshinebear)

Hello, dear friends. This is Funshine Bear, your friendly neighborhood Care Bear coming through with an in-depth explanation for all of you who seem to want to transfer from the Kingdom of Caring and venture into those dangerous zones called “PvP Servers,” henceforth to be known as “the Land of the Meanie Faces and Bad Guys.”

Now, the Land of the Meanies Faces is home to those such as Professor Coldheart and Grizzle. They fight each other over Star and Heart buddies, hitting each other and just generally setting a bad example for children. Why do we allow these Bad Guys to come to the Kingdom of Caring? Well, that is simple! See, we believe in the Power of Friendship and also all things Good and Caring. And we want these Bad Guys to see the Love and Joy we have to share, and transform into Good Guys, perhaps even become Care Bears themselves, albeit Grumpy ones. Or, at the very least, Care Cousins! This is beneficial for all, as we can always use more Care Bears and Cousins to further the cause of caring!

For Care Bears wishing to go to the Land of the Meanie Faces, however, the trip is just not possible. And I will now explain why.

Many Care Bears aren’t aware of why these zones were created. You see, in the Kingdom of Caring (comprised of Care-A-Lot and the Forest of Feeling) we have what is called the “Caring Meter.” This Caring Meter measures the amount of caring in the world. This must always be full! So, we have to go out on caring missions to gather Star and Heart buddies. The Kingdom of Caring allows for quick and efficient gathering so that the Caring Meter never falls to a dangerously low level. In fact, Care Bears are the most efficient gatherers, not having to worry about the Meanie Faces and the Bad Guys. Though sometimes Grumpy Bear stirs up some trouble, we Care Bears can always make him smile or laugh and then continue on our way!

But, in the land of the Meanie Faces and Bad Guys, they, as mentioned before, actually hurt each other for Star and Heart buddies. This is bad behavior for a Care Bear and a Care Cousin, and they just cannot condone it, much less perpetrate the action themselves.

“But, Funshine, I want to go and help the Meanie Faces and Bad Guys see their wrong ways, and help them learn about caring and the Power of Friendship!”

I understand, friend. I truly do. It is a noble and righteous cause, one that Proudheart Lion would valiantly cry “Charge!” for. However, these Bad Guys and Meanie Faces won’t listen to a Care Bear or Care Cousin, or even a Good Guy Who Was Once Bad. They would rather hurt you for your Star and Heart buddies than listen to the wonders of caring. Also, there is one dark secret they hold deep in their soul, even more carefully than Secret Bear.

They are afraid of us.

You see, due to our law of caring in the Kingdom of Caring, we can gather Star and Heart buddies much faster than they can. They fight too much over who can have this one or that one that it takes twice or even three times as much work to get a Star buddy than we Care Bears have to work. That is fact, dear friends; Bright Heart Raccoon did the calculations. This quick gathering of buddies gives us quite an edge on the Meanie Faces and Bad Guys, along with our belief in caring and the Power of Friendship. That ultimate of abilities, that supreme enforcer of all that is Good: the Care Bear Stare.

The power of the Care Bear Stare would shatter the Land of the Meanie Faces and Bad Guys due to its high concentration of Anger and Sadness and Bad Words. Now, we Care Bears don’t want to annihilate our neighbors and would rather bring them to see the wonder of caring and the Power of Friendship, as well as the warmth of a warm snuggly hug. Therefore, I present to you this suggestion:

My fellow Care Bears, instead of petitioning to go to the Land of Meanie Faces and Bad Guys (as admirable as it is on your part to attempt such a good deed), encourage the Meanie Faces and Bad Guys you know to consider placing a symbol of Love and Joy on their tummies and making their way to the Kingdom of Caring. Do not cross the line into their Land; your Care Bear Stare will shatter their world, and that is not the way of caring.


Dammerung said...

Meant to add this comment yesterday.

This post was awesome. I loved it.


Anonymous said...

This is actually retarded and I would suggest to find some better things to do

collin said...

Funniest thing I've read in months!