Monday, March 22, 2010

Guest Post: ULTIMATE WARRIOR

Hey everyone, it's Bell here. This is a post written by one of my friends, who thinks he knows a thing or two about healers. Or, well, how you should heal him, I guess. So, enjoy! Remember, I'm always open for guest posters who want to flex their writing muscles.

Hi. I am a Fury Warrior, and I stand in things.

I stand in fire, I stand in void zones, I stand in poison, and I stand in pretty much every other thing I can possibly stand in.

I don’t do this because I hate you. I do this because I love RAGE. I do this because every little bit of red stuff counts towards me hitting that something just a bit harder. I do this because I love to see a full bar of anger under my portrait. I want to unleash every bit of that on that poor bosses face.

When you see me standing in that nasty cloud, it’s not because I’m not too bright (well, not completely). It’s not because I didn’t see it. I might say I turned my effects down, but I didn’t. I saw it. I ran to it. Oh yes, I ran right there. I’m there because I hate that guy we’re fighting, and I want him dead. I want to kill him dead faster, harder, and with more love, baby! And I’m gonna stand in that fire over there to do it.

Think of it as a spotlight. I’m in center stage and I am ready to rock.

So next time you see that Fury Warrior’s green bar drop, do him a favor. Don’t ignore him. Don’t scoff at him. Don’t turn your head and pretend like he “dropped too fast.” Throw him a heal. Give him that little bit of your mana bar, the part that says, “I love you and your ridiculous oversized weapons.”





DISCLAIMER: This article was written in satire. I don’t really stand in stuff. That’s just silly. But all the same, don’t forget to heal us, because sometimes we do die in fires, and that makes us sad.

10 comments:

krizzlybear said...

pre-3.3.3, same was true with arcane mages with incanter's absorption. the moment a priest drops a bubble on their purple-wielding butt, they're gonna see to it that the bubble pops as fast as humanly possible.

Kayeri said...

Hee, I do appreciate the satire, but can we get an introduction, too? Unless you are staying deliberately anonymous. :) And defintiely something to keep in mind next time I'm considering how to define 'stupid' behavior... :)

QJ said...

Hi, I am the culprit at hand. Nice to meet you.

Kayeri said...

Hi, Qj, nice culpritting, btw. :)

Ratshag said...

Need.
More.
Rage.

(Plus, red bars is purdy)

Hana said...

I got a chuckle. :) Our fury warrior shipped out so he can't play with us anymore, but I have fond memories of his whirlwinding faceplants. We never let him die on purpose, but I swear you guys are aggro hogs.

Dave said...

I play a healer Resto Druid Assantra of Lothar and If a DPS is standing in anything that does DMG they should move you do way more DPS Alive rather than dead its fine if a Hot will keep you alive then fine but if Im burning my mana to keep a slacker DPS from being dead then chances are im gonna save my mana for DPS that try to stay alive quit what I suggest is to uninstall your DMG meter and quit stroking your epeen

QJ said...

@Dave - Wow, gosh, dude, I'd never seen it that way before. Thanks for the advice, it really opened my eyes.

Dave said...

QJ I came across a bit harsh that's not my nature but healing can be at times very stressful my suggestion for all WOW players is step outside the DPS realm and play a healer class and also a Tank class just because when you play all classes you learn every aspect of the game and have a better understanding of how to be a great DPS rather than average.

A great DPS will see a mob attacking a clothie and charge in to save the day where as an average DPS will continue to smack the boss around worried about how much DPS they do.

When I first started to play WOW my first toon was a lock Threat monster...... I always thought DPS DPS DPS DPS but until I rolled a Warrior Tank I realized how important it is for DPS to be great not just average as on my lock I no longer pull threat from the tank because it gives the Tank a heart attack and same goes for the healer if you can avoid taking DMG do so as thats one less person that healer has to worry about

So the MSG and Advise I give is Roll a Tank Roll a healer and you my sir will become a great DPS

QJ said...

Dave - Thanks for responding again. At first I thought you might be trolling but I see now the problem is that you missed the little disclaimer at the bottom of the post. I wrote this article in satire, almost to make fun of the goofy DPS who only care about numbers or getting the top of the charts.

I have spent time tanking on and off since Classic WoW, and in fact was specced protection in the first weeks of raiding Naxxramas. I currently have an 80 paladin healer, as well as a 74 druid which I often heal on as well. So you can be sure I'm sympathetic to all plights. At any rate, thanks all the same for the advice, I'm sure there is no end to the DPS who just don't get it.